SCREAM

 GOD I WANT TO SCREAM

For every time the pressure was so heavy that suffocation decided she wanted to be my best friend and treated me as if I had no say in the matter. 

Scream. For every time the words in my mind got lost in transit on the journey to my mouth and the external silence masked the internal combustion. 

I’ve held my tongue so much that I’ve unknowingly attempted to condemned it to a life sentence to be served on mute. 

God, I want to Scream. 

For every time my thoughts spewed venom through my nervous system that delivered messages of destruction. Paul said the mind is hostile to You but it wanted blood from me. 

Scream. For every time I tried to keep everyone happy. No one tells you that “keeping the peace” means you have to almost tear yourself in half just to maintain the silence because it was never peace. 

Silence. Oh God the silence. I’ve learned to embrace the silence while internalizing the frequency of frustration simultaneously so much so that the ringing in my ears has now become a melody. 

Scream. For every time those miserable demons: jealousy, anger, fear, insecurity, low self-esteem and comparison wanted to follow me all the days of my life so that I could dwell in the house of the father…..of lies.

Scream. For every dagger and every arrow that I turned on myself and fired at will. My body didn’t mind because the pain quickly shifted to numbness and eventually became a soothing balm that would lull me to sleep. 

GOD I WANT TO SCREAM. 

Your Word says to make a joyful noise unto You

But I want to scream

You told Moses you heard the cries of your people and you were coming down to save them

Another word for cry is scream

So you heard their screams and you came to their rescue

God, please. I’m begging You. Hear my screams.