Whispers of Repentance

God, forgive me. 

Forgive me for my words.

The things I said when I was drunk with the wine of the world and forgot You.

Forgive me for my anger.

My mouth remained closed, but my heart spewed irritation into my atmosphere. 

It consumed the room and sucked the life out of what was supposed to be a safe place.

God, forgive me.

Forgive me for holding grudges against the child You forgave.

Forgive me for holding on to the past as if it’s some sort of lifeline.

My hands have cramped holding onto past issues when all I was supposed to hold on to is You.

Forgive me for being selfish with me.

I’ve withheld affection because I didn’t believe I was receiving it, so I saw no point.

Forgive me for deserting hope.

I placed too much faith in a flawed creation, and when chaos ensued, my heart became sick.

I walked away from hope because it let me down.

So I thought

Truth is, I left myself down when my eyes left You.

What should’ve been my primary focus became a blur in my peripheral vision. 

I saw You, but my eyes were not on You.

God, forgive me.

Forgive me for distrust. 

I didn’t understand how everything was working for my good.

But You told me not to lean on my own understanding and to trust You.

Forgive me.

Forgive me for being ungrateful.

You answered a prayer that I never prayed out loud.

But the package the answer came in was unpleasant and painful. 

So while I said thank You, I questioned You and even asked, “God, WTF is this?”

Your ways aren’t my ways. 

God, forgive me.

Forgive me for neglecting You.

Lack of sleep and discipline have inhabited my body for decades, and my flesh gives in every time. 

No more.

You told me my body is a temple.

If I want You to protect it,

I have to protect it as well.

God, I love You.

Thank You for forgiveness.

It’s Your nature.

And it lets me know that I am loved.